Maternal Instinct.
I have felt nothing but relief since my son ran away, well once I got over the initial anger and worry. Shouldn't my maternal instinct be kicking in?
While I do feel unconditional love for him, I also dread the thought of him coming home again. God that sounds cold but that's how I feel.
It must be a sign of the times when a mother can't bring herself to miss her teenage son.
I feel these thoughts are so evil I can't bring myself to speak them out loud or share them with anyone in my life. But I had to put them down somewhere they're tormenting me.
While I do feel unconditional love for him, I also dread the thought of him coming home again. God that sounds cold but that's how I feel.
It must be a sign of the times when a mother can't bring herself to miss her teenage son.
I feel these thoughts are so evil I can't bring myself to speak them out loud or share them with anyone in my life. But I had to put them down somewhere they're tormenting me.
posted by Paradox | 8:47 AM
10 Comments:
True...
but I can't help thinking I should feel more.
Hey hon, I have had problems like that of my own, & my daughter is 26 now, & still messed up. but, it's her life now.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Take responsibility only for your own mistakes...& sol is right,u feel..which iz more important than not feeling.
I>t-
Thanks I needed that
What is good and what is evil, and why do you think there is Evil in what you do or feel? Strange creature is a human indeed.
Hazar Nesimi-
My own mother is constantly asking if I love my own son (yes of course).
Then when I tell her I do she says that if I really did I would look for him, and how can my heart be so cold and hard that I'm not worried. But I think 3 yrs of this crap is enough. You can't help someone who doesn't want help.
How would you think in a situation like mine with your mother breathing down your neck and saying everything she can think of to try to make you feel like some kind of abberation?
Thanks to I>t I feel a little better about my decisions.
Humans are strange creatures indeed. :)
Children have to learn by their mistakes...
jean-luc picard-
So true, but letting go is hard to do.
As a mother you can only do so much. When your child starts doing and saying things for no other reason than because they know it will hurt you... it is time to let them fall on their own. Once he is forced to pick himself up out of the pit you used to help him out of, he will begin to realize things need to change. Sometimes you just have to learn the hard way. I did. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just be open to the idea of change when he does decide to come back to you. God Bless.
Melissa~
It never occured to me he was doing things just to hurt me but now that I think of it you're right. I'm not even going try to figure out why he'd want to hurt me or his little brother or i'll go crazy. But I will be there when he finally hits rock bottom and is ready to change.
I think you have done your best..Don't worry things will be just fine...
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